"Enduring Through Adversity: A Personal Account on Overcoming Pain"

It has been 6 years since I first experienced it, and it has been a constant companion ever since. I have learned to live with it, to adapt my daily routine and to find ways to manage it.

Pain is a complex and personal experience, and it affects each of us differently. It can be physical, emotional, or both. For me, it started as a physical pain, but over time it has also taken a toll on my mental well-being.

Living with pain has taught me patience, resilience, and the importance of self-care. I have learned that it is crucial to listen to my body and give it the rest and care it needs. A challenge when you are raising children, trying to make a living and support a farming husband.

I have found solace in activities that distract me from the pain, such as gardening, being creative, and spending time with loved ones.

But most importantly, my journey with pain has taught me to be grateful for the moments when I am pain-free. These moments may be few and far between, but they are a reminder that there is still joy and beauty in life, even when pain has been a constant presence.

And the complexities of living with this, whilst being on the farm. Where the farm comes first; and how I’ve learnt to manage on my own though most of this. I’m not saying this is anyone’s fault, it is just a matter of fact. But when you see other parents and their partner / family rallying around, you can’t help long for that too.

I share my story not for sympathy, but to raise awareness about the impact of chronic pain on individuals. It is not something we can see, but it is very much real and can greatly affect one's quality of life.

If you know someone who is living with pain, I urge you to offer them your support and understanding. It may not be easy, but a little bit of empathy can go a long way.

When the pain began

I had a normal, straight forward pregnancy. Andrew and I took part in the local NCT classes and I also went along to Daisy Birthing classes, which helped me to prepare for labour.

And when the time came, Andrew took me to the Barratt Birth Centre in Northampton General Hospital.

My labour was going very well and progressing how it should for a first time mother. However when it came to delivery, things went wrong.

As I was pushing the baby out, his head became stuck in my pelvis. At the same time my whole left leg when completely numb. At this point I had managed on gas and air with regards to pain relief.

The midwife thought my leg pain must just be cramp and started to pump and stretch my leg to help relieve the discomfort. I was encouraged to carry on pushing for two hours to see if I could dislodge the baby. I was exhausted but determined.

After two hours, the baby had not moved. But there was a delay. There was an emergency ahead of me in theatre and the hospital were trying to find another team to help me. It was decided I would need an emergency caesarean section.

I was told that there was no anaesthetist available to help with pain relief, so I had to get high on gas and air whilst working through intense contractions. It was hell. Mentally, I had never prepared myself for this kind of eventuality.

Another 2hrs passed and a team had been assembled. When they put the spinal block in, I felt instant relief.  

A beautiful baby boy was delivered weighing 7lb 15 oz

Recovery

I could hardly walk.

I spent 4 days in recovery and was told how I was feeling was ‘normal’ following the trauma . The midwife who was on duty during my labour came to see me and told me how she admired my sheer strength for the ordeal I had just undergone.

When I was discharged, I had a visit from the midwife who confirmed that how I was feeling and the pain I was experiencing was ‘normal’ so I never questioned any of the symptoms.

Andrew tied a bed sheet to the end of the bed so I could hoist myself up to get out. When you have a c-section you lose all core strength as they sever all the muscle, nerve endings etc.

A week later I had intense pain around my c-section scar. It was really scary.

We went to accident and emergency. I got out of the car and a paramedic found a wheel chair for me and pushed me into the waiting room. The rude receptionist brushed me off saying, ‘is that really necessary, why can’t you walk’ – I still remember that 6 years on!

When I was triaged, they suspected an infection in my uterus and also because of all the pain relief I had been taking I was severely constipated. I spent 3 more days in hospital.

Getting on with life

I took to motherhood like a duck to water. I loved it. I got the hang of breastfeeding and baby and I started to find our flow. For a few weeks I pretty much hibernated upstairs where it was warm, watching daytime TV and recovering.

There was always pain, but I just thought that was part of recovery, having had major abdominal surgery. The scar healed up nicely but you never know what is happening below the surface.

I fell pregnant again quite quickly. There are only 15 months between the boys you see. We were in the thick of it so whilst it came as a bit of a surprise, we were really happy.

When I saw the midwife for the first time, we discussed the implications of having another baby so quickly after having an emergency c-section. There is a risk of the scar opening up during intense contractions and knowing what I had just gone through, we opted for a planned elective c-section. This was a much calmer experience.

Managing with a newborn, a toddler and recovery from a c-section

Reading this back now, it seems like utter madness. Absolute bonkers!

Visitors came. And I was the one making the tea, doing the chores whilst others enjoyed the babies.

I remember a family member saying to me ‘aren’t you going to cook a meal for them as they’ve come all this way to see you’. To everyone, they thought I was coping just fine. And I was. But it would have been nice for others to help with making a meal, or bringing us something to warm up. Whilst I can look back and analyse the situation, it is easy for me to think or say this now, at the time I couldn’t vocalise what others could do to help.

The new baby was a lot harder

After 4 weeks we discovered he had  silent reflux. He was very uncomfortable and would only settle if he was strapped upright to me. We co-slept in bed with the baby on my chest for nearly 6 months with me propped upright in bed with pillows around me.

This was not particularly conducive to c-section recovery.

When I spoke with the health visitor about getting some support, she mentioned a possible referral to Home Start, but this was never followed up. And when I asked how the referral was going at a clinic 2 weeks later, nothing had been done. So I did it myself.

For a few months I had a weekly visit from a home start volunteer who I could chat to and helped to take some of the stress and strain away. Sadly this support was only short-lived as there were more serious cases than mine, those that involved lone parents, drugs and abuse for example.

I was lonely, isolated and in pain.

I reached out

When you are up in the middle of the night breastfeeding, you have a lot of thinking time. I wondered if I was the only farmers wife who felt this way. Who had this type of experience.

I didn’t want to put something on facebook as I thought this was admitting defeat. And I was finding social media difficult as my experience of parenting on the farm was a lot different to other friends.

I got in touch with Stephanie Berkeley at the Farm Safety Foundation and we spoke about putting an online forum together where farm woman could talk about their experiences in a safe, open way, often anonymously. She helped to bring together other stakeholders which included Farming Community Network and The Farming Forum

Together we created ‘home on the farm’ which enabled me to share my experience and also help others too.

Covid

To start off with Covid didn’t impact us greatly. We were lambing our sheep and other than trying to secure an online shopping delivery, things were the same as any other year.

In May 2020, after lambing and our youngest was walking and sleeping unaided, I started to notice a pain in my groin. It also heightened the dead leg pain that hadn’t recovered since child birth first time round. I was bloated and having difficulty going to the toilet.

In hindsight I was so busy looking after everyone else, I hadn’t sat still long enough to notice or pay attention to myself. It was my body’s way of saying ‘you need to stop and do something’.

Face to face appointments were out of the question and so over the phone I explained my symptoms the Dr. She thought it could be a urine infection and offered my antibiotics. 2 weeks later, and nothing had changed. So I rang up and pleaded for an in person appointment.

When I saw the Dr, she was really concerned. When she pressed on my abdomen it was very painful. I whelped in agony. She quickly wrote a note on a scrappy piece of paper and said that I must go to accident and emergency now.

Of course I couldn’t go that minute as I had to feed and put the children to bed and organise for someone to sit for us, whilst Andrew took me into hospital. It was pretty scary being left at the hospital doors, face masked up and not being allowed to have a chaperone.

They gave me morphine to help with the pain.

But it took nearly 18hrs to get a bed as I had to have a covid test before being allowed onto a ward.

I saw several consultants over the next 24hrs who all couldn’t work out what was wrong with me. I was discharged with strong pain relief and the offer of various appointments which would take place in 6 – 8 weeks.

In the meantime I went back to the Dr who was frustrated that more hadn’t been done whilst I was in hospital. She arranged for me to see what she called the ‘HOP clinic’ a kind of GP referred accident and emergency.

I sat there ALL day.

There were lots of people coming and going for scans. But I wasn’t offered anything. So I stood up for myself and demanded that I have a scan too. Eventually I convinced them to let me have a CT scan and you’ll never guess what they found… kidney stones!

The post-partum vitamin tablets I had been taking (but didn’t really need) had caused a build up of calcium.

6 weeks later I passed the kidney stones which took me to accident and emergency again. 2 days later and I was still in the pain. Was there something else wrong?

Being passed between departments

Since I started complaining of the abdominal pain in May 2020, I have been passed around the various hospital departments.

Because of the area that the pain sat, I get why I was a puzzle. I don’t blame the NHS for the time it has taken to determine what was wrong with me. Bowel, Ovaries, nerves, bones, muscles, bladder.

But in the past 4 years (or technically 6 years from the onset of when the original trauma took place) life just carries on and the boys were my priority. It has been BLOODY tough.

I went to some very dark places. I had thoughts to end it all.

In the past 4 years I have had:

2 CT scans

3 visits to Accident and Emergency

3 MRI scans

A colonoscopy

3 ultrasounds, including a very painful internal examination.

Removal of an ovarian cyst

Keyhole surgery to fix 2 hernias where my bowel came through my c-section scar. Plus removal of adhesions around my c-section scar. Under general anaesthetic

Cortisol injection into my uterine wall – done in theatre

Cortisol injection into my SI joint - done in theatre

Nerve conduction testing

1 year of physiotherapy

Possibly 30 Dr appointments, some other the phone and some in person.

4 different hospitals who didn’t communicate with one another.

Guess what… I was still in the same pain.

I hatched a plan

In all this time, I always felt like I was being dismissed. I often felt like I wasn’t being listened too and my pain wasn’t being taken seriously. I also felt like I was being gaslighted, particularly by senior male consultants, who felt they knew best.

I feel incredibly grateful to have met Michelle Cockram, the NHS physio based in Daventry hospital who specialises in muscular skeletal pain. She listened. And she got what was going on with me.

Together we pinpointed the areas where the pain was coming from and exercises to strengthen the weaknesses that had been caused by overcompensating and being lopsided.

Whilst I was referred to NHS pain management and a spinal consultant. They kept passing me to different people.

Of course, time goes on…

I did my research and looked into finding a pelvic pain specialist.

Someone who understood the muscle structures and nerves that surround the pelvis. I actually feel like I am a specialist now, having looked at hundreds of diagrams and working out with Michelle where the pain came from and how it could be relieved.

I found Dr Sarah Aturia.

She got it. We had a plan. Though I had to find money for this treatment. But after all of this, wouldn’t you do what you can to improve your overall health and wellbeing.

I saw Dr Aturia in December 2023, I was in surgery for January 2024.

So my final diagnosis has been:

Pudendal neuralgia

Abdominal Cutaneous nerve entrapment

And guess what, the pain has significantly reduced.

I had a pudendal nerve block and series of trigger point injections to block the nerves from sending pain signals to my brain.

All of a sudden I have clarity in my thought. My energy levels has dramatically improved and I feel refreshed after a good night’s sleep.

For the past 6 years, I have woken each morning feeling permanently ‘hung over’ which I equated to raising boys and spinning the plates. I now realise that the fight or flight mechanism that is heightened when your body perceives you are in danger was constantly on overdrive.

I have more patience, better focus and can do meaningful exercise.

What has happened as a result of having these procedures is recognising other things that need rectifying. Like the dead leg. That has been a real mystery until now.

The theory is that I have piriformis syndrome, caused by a muscle spasm which sits closely to the sciatic nerve.

I’ve also got hip joint issues from the pain I’ve been in and my posture has altered. But we have a plan. I feel so much stronger now both physically and mentally.

A few thank you messages and links

Along this journey, I have reached out to various people for support and I want to share information in case you are reading this and wondering who might be helpful to seek out.

For pain relief



Acupuncture: Stephanie Curnoe | The Acupuncture Clinic (acupunctureclinic-uk.co.uk)

C Section and scar recovery: Women's Health Physiotherapy & Scar Specialist | HLP Therapy (hlp-therapy.co.uk)

Reformer therapy and muscle strengthening: The Old Dairy Reformer Pilates | A new and exciting bespoke Pilates studio (theolddairypilates.co.uk)

Yoga and deep tissue massage: https://www.fit2burst.co.uk/

Ian’s BEMER vascular treatment Crick man who suffered traumatic brain injury in car crash offers 'life-changing' healing treatment (daventryexpress.co.uk)

All of these treatments, I have paid for myself to get me between appointments and procedures, both physically and mentally.

Recently. I was able to access a special grant through a professional membership I have held for many years to help pay for the cost to help relieve the pain. My cash flow has become very tight with setting up the community interest company but for those that know me well, know how driven and determined I am. I'm not one to give up.

For support

Farming Community Network: https://fcn.org.uk/

Counselling via R.A.B.I: In-person counselling support for farmers - RABI

Now if you’ve got this far, THANK YOU for reading. I hope that I can empower more people to advocate for themselves. Writing this all down has also helped me too.

If you asked me to sum up this blog post in a few words, my advice is:

-           Do your own homework and research, you know your own body

-           Ask for help and speak up. Pain is not visible.

-           Keep on top of the admin trail and follow up regularly to ensure that you get appointment letters, that consultants have received your notes and scans. Ask for secretary’s email addresses and know what each department is responsible for.

-           Self care is VITAL

-           Talk often about your mental health

Please do share the link to this blog with others who may find this helpful.

I have a bright future ahead and two lovely boys who I can now get on the floor and play with.

Milly 😊